It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you inspire me to be a worse person
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
