i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
