you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
