so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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