At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
