Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
