So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
