You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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