she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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