I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
