She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she peed on how many people?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
