alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have post one night stand depression
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