Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
