My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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