My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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