Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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