If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
