Screwed.edu
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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