so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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