It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize