Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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