I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
