So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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