I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
