You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
