My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize