just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
