Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
