I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
