Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
