mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
