She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
