A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
