If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize