i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
