Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
