I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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