I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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