you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
