Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
