my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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