No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
