i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
