"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm both gender and math confused
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
