dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
