I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
