i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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