when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
