So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
