Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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