at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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