i barfeds in our rink
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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