it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
