24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize