For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
