I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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