areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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