You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
