Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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