Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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