Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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