the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
