when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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