Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
