College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
