three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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