Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
