alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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