Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
