Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
