So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
