i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize